


Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

by merryghoul



Series: Fan Flashworks [32]
Category: Burn Notice
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Community: comment_fic, Community: fan_flashworks, Gen, Misogyny, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-12
Updated: 2012-10-12
Packaged: 2017-11-16 03:33:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/535019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryghoul/pseuds/merryghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fiona goes up against a street racer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

**Author's Note:**

> [comment_fic prompt is the movie title's name](http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/179850.html?thread=38900106#t38900106)  
>  Fan Flashworks: borrowed title challenge  
> Inspired by the racing scene in _Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!_ and [this news report about street racing in Miami.](http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/Massive-Illegal-Street-Race-Busted-in-Northwest-Miami-Dade-149032565.html)
> 
> Minor corrections made on 13 October 2016.

A man named Anibal was once a client of Fiona's. Like many of Michael, Sam and Fiona's clients, Anibal had heard from a friend of a friend of a friend that Fiona could help out people that couldn't go to the police. Fiona agreed to meet him over Bloody Marys at Carlito's one afternoon. 

Anibal cleared his throat. "Okay, so there are a group of people known as D Platoon..."

"What does the 'D' mean?" Fiona asked.

"I don't know. They're D Platoon, and they race cars northwest of here."

Fiona shrugged. "Okay." 

"I lost one grand in a race against a guy named Tommy. His girlfriend, Linda, put weights in my trunk and siphoned out my gas."

"Street racers cheat to win. I don't know how to help you out."

"I swore I'd never race again, Fiona. I was saving money I had collected from fundraisers for a friend who has no health insurance. He got in a horrible crash because of street racing. He's covered in third-degree burns and needs skin grafts. He's also in trouble with the law. D Platoon discovered I was making money for my friend and forced me to race."

"And after they forced you to race, they stole the money anyway."

Anibal nodded.

Fiona's eyes widened. "Now _this_ is a job I can work on."

She shook Anibal's hand and shook her head, flipping her hair as she left the restaurant. 

 

Fiona found out where Tommy and Linda lived. She decided to show up at their trailer unannounced.

For her cover, Fiona decided to wear a sleeveless black shirt, jeans and motorcycle boots. A slit was cut in the middle to expose Fiona's cleavage. 

After Fiona drove to Tommy and Linda's place, she kicked in their door and walked in the living room.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tommy said. 

"I'm Varla Watusi of the Watusi Cats." Fiona spoke with a New York dialect. 

"Me and my girl aren't here to see a drag show." Tommy pointed to what he thought was the direction of South Beach. "The beach is that way."

"I'm not here for a drag show. I'm here for a race. I used to race in New York, but I was looking for new places to ride and new faces to drive by. I decided Miami was the place for me."

Tommy and Linda laughed. 

"A little fragile old lady wants to race me. What are you driving, a Beetle?"

"How about the fastest car in Miami-Dade?"

Linda snorted. "We'll have to see your car first, lady."

"I'm appalled. It's not like I'm 60. And since I'm so fragile and senile, I'm putting up two grand for this race."

"Two grand?" Tommy said.

"It's not much, but it's all I have. So, Tommy, are you racing the little old lady not from Pasadena or what?"

"I can match what you have. Winner takes all. Tomorrow evening, Okeechobee Road, near Everglades Holiday Park. That two grand is mine, lady."

"It's Varla!"

 

Some situations demanded Fiona not put any moderations on her car. The race against Tommy was not one of those situations. 

She drilled holes in the wheel well and swapped out her car's usual tires with the softest tires she could find. This would increase the speed of her car. She also added tubing from the gas tank to the engine; this would increase the fuel capacity. And along with the highest performing motor oil she could put in the engine, she put an oxidizing agent in the fuel to help the car perform better. 

Despite all these moderations, Fiona knew she had to be wary of Linda. If she wasn't alert, then Linda could sabotage the race for her. 

 

On Okeechobee Road, another member of D Platoon explained the length of the race course and where exactly the road was closed off in order to prevent accidents.

Out of the corner of her eye, Fiona saw Linda with a siphon and a gas container near her car.

Fiona grabbed her stomach and moaned. 

"I need a little rest before we start the race. I bet it's nothing—probably a piece of cheese." 

The D Platoon member nodded and let Tommy and Fiona get back to their cars.

Tommy laughed at Fiona, pointing as she walked back to her car.

"You may be pointing now, but you're about to reach the point of no return." Fiona grinned.

Fiona was able to catch Linda before she could take the gas out of her car. Fiona picked Linda up and slammed her against the car.

"You like to play games, don't you?"

Linda froze. "Look, Varla, this wasn't my idea, it was Eddie's."

"No, Linda, it's not like that. I understand that you had to do what you did to win. If I had an assistant like you, I'd make the assistant do what you were doing. If you still want to, you can take the gas out of my car after I'm done. Because sometimes..." Fiona let her hand trail down Linda's arm. "I play for the other team. And guess who's up to bat?"

Fiona kissed Linda. Linda was receptive to Fiona's kiss.

Fiona broke the kiss. "Would you like to go further?"

Linda nodded.

Fiona squeezed Linda's carotid artery with her hand as she licked Linda's face. A look of pleasure appeared on Linda's face as oxygen was being cut off from her brain. Seconds later, Linda passed out. 

Fiona opened her trunk and put Linda in it.

"I would've loved to have you eat my cake, but I'm cutting back on giving my sweets away."

Fiona slammed the trunk shut. 

 

Eddie didn't realize Linda was missing when the race started.

Thanks to the modifications on Fiona's car, Fiona beat Eddie with little effort. She started her car and held the lead for the duration of the race, despite Linda being in the trunk. 

After the race Eddie stopped his car and ran to Fiona. Meanwhile, Fiona was getting out of her car. She laughed.

As Eddie ran to the car, he could hear Linda punching Fiona's trunk and screaming Eddie's name. 

"You cheated," he said, running out of breath. "And you kidnapped my girl."

" _I_ cheated? She came to my car. I had to kidnap her to save it. And it's not my fault your car's a lemon, junior. By the way, your girl's a really good kisser." Fiona licked her lips.

"I wish I could throw you down to the ground."

"Challenge accepted. Maybe you can fight better than you can drive." 

Fiona threw a number of kicks and punches at him until he fell to the ground. As he was falling, he grabbed Fiona's arm. The two fell to the ground. Eddie tried to choke Fiona. Fiona moved from side to side to prevent Eddie from getting a grip on her throat. When she saw Eddie's groin was unprotected, Fiona kicked Eddie there. As Eddie was still dealing with his groin, Fiona pushed Eddie to the side and applied a rear naked choke.

"What are you doing, you bitch? I can't breathe."

"Have you seen the point, Eddie? I think you missed it."

"Everything's spinning..."

Eddie passed out. 

Fiona opened her trunk. Linda crawled out of it.

"D Platoon, I give you back your girl. You can give me my two grand, and I'll be on my way."

 

Fiona handed Anibal $4000—the $2000 she won from D Platoon and the $2000 she offered in the race—at Carlitos the next day.

"This is more than I asked for, Fiona. Do you want anything out of it?"

"Take it. It's for a good cause. I mean, half of it is my money. I can find another paying job, and the drinks are on my valet Sam. Would you like another Bloody Mary?"

"I don't want another Bloody Mary, but thank you for the offer. And thank you so much for getting my money back."

"Oh, no problem. It's what I do best."

She flipped her hair. Anibal tried not to laugh.


End file.
